Facetious Fesaurus

There's always something stupid somewhere... 


  • a new library management system in the works
  • short for asparagus
  • a serious condition in which the bored gland becomes inflamed
  • treatment: procrastination in your choice of style ; having a nap under your desk.

  • a must-have for any heritage-listed leaky library
  • synonyms: rain holders
  • antonyms: flooded floors

  • creepy old face
  • synonyms: un-noncreepy old face
  • antonyms: creepy young face, creepy middle-aged face, non-creepy young face, non-creepy middle-aged face, non-creepy old face, creepy canine face

  • creepy old man
  • synonyms: un-noncreepy old man
  • antonyms: creepy young man, creepy middle-aged man, creepy old woman, creepy middle-aged woman, creepy young woman, creepy feline, non-creepy feline

  • describes a computer that is like, really old and makes mooing noises that remind you of a severely perturbed creature of the bovine variety
  • synonyms: crappy old laptops that take 20 minutes to start, giving you heaps more reading time in the morning
  • antonyms: computers that work!

  • pronounced "com dot org"
  • synonyms: stupidity
  • antonyms: geocities.com

  • pronounced "dot dot net"
  • synonyms: stupidity
  • antonyms: geocities.com

  • I've...uh, forgotten
  • synonyms: organs that you hear with
  • antonyms: the air that flows around one's ear

effluent restraint problem
  • what happens when you foolishly let Outlook correct your spelling, so that your word changes to something relating more to base bodily functions, and then send out the email to ALL STAFF without proofreading first

Feast of Saint Sophos

  • an annual feast in honour of Saint Sophos, in the hopes that he will be content to keep our e-resources up and accessible for students across the country!

  • fresh and airy! (after a window has been opened in a musty office space)

Froggy McFroggerson
  • a frog once found in the library's pot plant
  • synonyms: amphibius minimus
  • antonyms: amphibius absentius

  • the art of improving stuff...while raising one eyebrow questioningly
  • synonyms: experimental upgrades
  • antonyms: wallowing in the status quo

internal water features
  • we didn't ask for 'em, but I guess they're kinda pretty...
  • synonyms: accidental science experiments
  • antonyms: a dry, mould-free library

  • just only
  • alternate spellings: jonely (for the more phonetically correct experience)
  • see also: slinks

Lake Gavin
  • what happens to an innocent library in a thunderstorm
  • synonyms: lack of a non-leaky roof
  • antonyms: architects who know what they're doing

  • a really small piece of a really big cake
  • the absolute minimum of work that can be done before it's seen as "not working"
mo-faux Monday
  • a day that is akin to Monday in a certain way, i.e. crap, or a Tuesday after a public holiday

move fro
  • see oscillate

move to
  • see oscillate

  • it's a brave new world where library folk are merging Facebook and MySpace into something shiny and new
  • synonyms: MyFace.com
  • antonyms: social networking sites that exist
nippy neck
  • an affliction that results from those moments when the weather gets cold and you don't have a scarf!
nippy neck-less
  • in cold weather when you do have a scarf, you are what can be called "nippy neck-less"

old man lollies
  • the type of sweet that nobody likes to eat, but they do anyway because they're desperately in need of plastic sugar
  • synonyms: Price lollies
  • antonyms: your good health

  • pronounced "org dot com"
  • synonyms: stupidity
  • antonyms: geocities.com

  • the act of rotating...err
  • synonyms: the act of moving to, then fro, then to again, then fro again, and repeating the aforementioned steps until toing and froing is halted by the flipping of a power switch on the implement that was originally toing and froing
  • antonyms: the act of not moving
  • referred from: move to; move fro

  • slow links
  • see also: jonly

St. Fumofo
  • the saint we pray to at the more annoying times of day.

stupidus maximus
  • the maximum amount of stupidity conceivable
sugar plum fairies
  • a very satisfying alternative to notorious four letter words that you can utter when you've just stuffed something up on the library system
  • some of us have oats for breakfast, sometimes. but it's a whole lot more than that.
  • past tense of swig when you can't be bothered using extra letters to write "swigged" - "I swug that coffee."
  • totes awse

  • e.g. "They'll be in the thingo room!" See also thingy
  • synonyms: thingy
  • antonyms: just sit there saying nothing

  • can't think of the actual word? Say "thingy" instead!
  • synonyms: thingo
  • antonyms: just sit there saying nothing

  • if you can't remember your colleague's actual name, never fear! Thingy-Anne is here!
  • synonyms: whatsername; whatserface
  • antonyms: a person's actual name

  • a tangerine on a tangent at Plantagenent 

VoVo Smores
  • don't forget the Ice Magic!!
  • synonyms: smores made out of VoVos
  • antonyms: neither smores nor VoVos

P.S. It's really just a dictionary.

Updated 15/5/2017

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