“I'm absolutely chockers...!”

My colleague just returned to the office after a late lunch/early afternoon tea (which we are thinking of referring to as Aunch, or perhaps Afunch...to match Munch, which we have mentioned in a previous blog post - and incidentally, there's another timeless question for you. Or perhaps it will become timeful after we've made our final decision...any input is welcome! Right, enough of this brackets business now) and said, "I'm absolutely chockers!"

I proceeded to inform her that I doubted very much if any of my American friends would have a clue what she meant by that. Just to clarify, it means she ate her fill (perhaps slightly more than her fill) in a time period spanning 11am to 1:20pm (or so). That is, spanning from MUNCH to AFUNCH. Now that I've muddied the waters, let me clarify - SHE'S FULL O' FOOD.

P.S. "Aunch" would be pronounced ORNCH...and Afunch? Well, no need to explain that one, right?

Is it possible to have a daydream at night?*

Apparently, if you search for this question on Google, you'll find that we're far from the first to ask it. Guess it's only natural, since none of us ever have an original thought...right? That begs the question - surely somebody, sometime, did have an original thought? I mean, what about the first person who ever had a thought? Or the first primate. The first single-celled organism. Ummmm, wait...!

I'm not a scientist, so I'll shut up now.

*Incidentally, I just did a combination of a hiccup and a burp, and it's been deigned a hiccurp. But the way it's said reminded me of nasty stuff like herpes, and I said, "That sounds like a cross between a burp and an STD." Hence hiccerpes. All of this leads to the revelation that...sometimes librarians can be more gross than funny.

Farewell, wall of doom...or was it gloom?

Our office used to house gross dusty shelving with crap that wasn't ours. Okay, most of the crap wasn't ours. The stuff that was is now on bookshelves. But the point is that the wall of doom slash gloom is GONE. Our office is so light it might just float away. In fact, I think it is...!

We might as well have an actual window in here, it's so bright!

F for Fred...and 5 for one-two-three-four-five

Did you know that you can refresh your Gmail inbox by pressing F5?

Well I'll be darned!

And I don't mean with wool, either.

Carry on, people, nothing to see here.

Cups and cups of hiccups

We just had our Melbourne Cup lunch. Oh my GOSH, the secret's out. We are Australian. Oh well, it had to emerge sometime...

Somebody's got hiccups. Another person needs dental floss. Still a third continues to wear her fascinator. She wore it to the shops to buy cheese.

And we are all full of food.

A little bit of champers bubbles away in our veins. Except that not everybody had champagne. One person had beer, and another had a huuuuuge glass of red wine. I was impressed by the volume of that one!

I DON'T recommend...

I've decided to start a new "blog post series" which will be titled I DON'T Recommend. And it begins here and now.

For a start, I don't recommend going and telling the public speaker at the lectern downstairs to be quiet because you're trying to work. It's not like this is your building, after all. You don't own it. You're just a guest. Albeit a paid one.

So don't try that one at home, friends. Or at work, for that matter.

It's MUNCH time!

And by munch I mean morning tea and lunch combined. Well, it's 10:39am, so closer to lunchtime than to morning tea time. Wouldn't you agree? Ohhhhh, now here we go, let's start debating.

Kidding, kidding. My colleague and I just walked up the street. In the distance I saw a rather wince-worthy sight - COM was headed our way, a determined look on his COF (for an explanation, see the Facetious Fesaurus). I wanted to cross the street to avoid him, but my colleague said "It's too late, he's seen you!" So we kept walking...and he walked right past and didn't see us.

I said, "Maybe he didn't recognise me, what with my swollen head and everything." (See previous blog post for details on Harry-ette Potter, the librarian who lived)

Anyway, COM has been read the letter of the library law and maybe, just maybe, we've seen the end of him. Only time will tell.

Meanwhile...it's 11:00am...still totally MUNCH time.

Harry-ette Potter...the librarian who lived

Yeah.

That's me. I've got a Harry Potter-esque (Zorro-esque) (Superwoman-esque) sutured laceration on my forehead right now. People keep saying "That's one serious scar!" but the fact is, it ain't a scar yet people. Scars are what you end up with, not what you have in the beginning!

Let me illuminate the confuzzled murk of your mind by linking you to the following:

A previously posted blog post in which a picture illustrated what the heck I'm talking about in this blog post

On that note, I'm going to fly off into the sunset (or the pre-sunset, since the sun is currently still up, albeit totally obscured by threatening grey cloud) with my fancy blue cape and try and figure out how I'm going to get away with wearing a pair of bright red underwear over a pair of bright blue tights tomorrow...at work.

When is a scoff fair enough?

Now that's a lotta 'f' sounds. But seriously, we need some input here.

Apparently because the fan in our office is an oscillating fan, it's going to oscillate some air when it's switched on. I scoffed at this notion but not because I doubt it. No, because I found my colleague's choice of words rather scoffworthy... Even amusing!

Now I leave you with some timeless questions:

1. When is an oscillating fan not an oscillating fan?

2. When is a scoff fair enough?

I know a library lady...

...who once was quite anti-cats. Well, I wouldn't say she was anti them, more that she had a dog and cats were just 'eh' to her. Then a relative of hers got a cat, and suddenly the thought of having one of her own didn't seem too bad. She adopted a very cute little kitty, which shocked all her colleagues. Wait a sec...you've got a kitten? I thought you didn't like felines! But then it got even weirder...!

She adopted a second kitten. Colleagues were puzzled, confused, arching brows all over the place. I tell you, brows were simply out of control! How could this lady who didn't really have much passion for the feline kind suddenly have two cats?

AND THEN...........it got weirdest of all! Because this library lady got a THIRD CAT.

It was official. She'd joined the ranks of library cat lady. But she wasn't alone, because numerous of her colleagues were already in those ranks. Don't get me wrong, there are still staunch dog-only library folk in the same workplace as these cat ladies. But there's just no denying that, in this particular library at least, the tradition of cat lady-ness is strong.

CANFU

Constant and Never-Ending...well, I'm sure you can deduce the rest.

I'm eating old man lollies right now. Sounds gross, right? Well, they're actually the most tolerable kind of old man lolly on the market - gummi bears. If you've got any kind of choice at all, you should leap at the chance to choose old man gummi bears. The jelly babies don't really cut it. Party mix is very plasticy, but they're preferable to jelly babies. Then there are the utterly icky Jersey caramels that the entire chain of libraries is sick of by now. Finally, you occasionally have the choice of freckles. But I really wouldn't go there if I were you, they're not as good as they look.

Morning morning not just morning

When there are two people in one office, and one person passes by that office, said passing person must say "Morning morning" instead of just "Morning", one "morning" for each occupant of the office.

Toady, we did this...but not that

I was explaining to a colleague or two (or three) that sometimes (quite often, actually) when I try to type the word 'today', it turns out as 'toady'. No, I don't mean that guy on Neighbours whose nickname is Toady. Or was it Toadie? I'm not a huge Neighbours buff, so I can't say for sure without Googling it, and I'm far far far too lazy at present to open a new tab for that.

But anyway, we've taken to saying things like, "Toady I did this... Huh? No, I didn't do that toady." Oh, and "Not toady, thanks." I'm sure you get the picture.

Freakin' cressy!

Roses chocolates for dinner...Pods for dessert

One of our number just had a holiday while her husband took her kids down south for a few days. She informs us that last night she had a box of Roses chocolates for dinner. Dessert? Pods!

Said chocolate-eater's cat got in a nasty fight recently, and he's in a bit of a sorry state right now. But from what I understand of this burly bully cat, we should see the other guy (who, incidentally, is called Fiddy...or Blackie...or Barry White, depending on your perspective).

In other news of the feline variety, there once was Evil Orange, a cat of mighty evil-ness, but now he's living in Kalamunda. There is however a replacement, an evil kitty protégé who has stepped up to the mark. This white cat is known only by the name Whitey McWhiterson, but undoubtedly he has an actual proper name.

One thing's for certain, though - this cat is goin' down! Nobody messes with Superhero Librarian Elizabeth Rary's cats.

Aww, QR code sadface

I wanted to make a QR code (or find an existing one) for the sheer brilliance that is (or, rather, was) Get a First Life. But the site doesn't exist anymore!

There are plenty of traces of it on Google, but the site itself has been taken down. I mean, the URL's still there, and you can see a screenshot...but it's just not the same...

Sad. Face!

Still, something truly amazingly AWESOME came out of it: I decided to make a QR code for this blog instead.

Go nuts, people!

Dot dot com

Or is it dot.com?

We in the library haven't quite decided.

One of our favourite quotes from a library customer is as follows (and keep in mind that the library is part of a Catholic institution):

"Can unbelievers use your library catalogue?"

The answer given was, "Why yes, yes of course - anyone can!"

Quicklish

We in the library have devised a brilliant plan for a new confectionery item... Quicklish! Morsels of licorice so tiny you can finish the entire packet in a matter of seconds.

I guess it should be spelled quicklice, because it's a combination of 'quick' and 'licorice'. But quicklice looks like it's related to some form of lice, and that's not really the look (or taste, for that matter) we're going for.

For now, the question is: would you buy Quicklish?

Librarian by day...superhero by night

"Too Goodwin!" her colleague cried out, gaping at the computer screen.

"Oh heck, that's just Badwin!" Liz Rary responded.

"Joanna Rustly...!" The colleague dissolved into helpless gales of laughter.

"You're kidding?"

The colleague wiped at her eyes, shoulders shaking. "Just reminds me of a boat...you know, rustling in the wind."

Liz Rary frowned. "Do boats rustle?" She peered around her own computer screen at a second colleague. "Hey, do boats rustle?"

Third colleague thought about it for a moment. "Hmm...don't think so."

"Hey, wait! This guy's name is Dennis Dennis! I'm not even kidding!"

"Dennis Dennis?"

"Yep!"

"He could so totally be Arch Nemesis."

"No, it's Archie Nemesis, remember?"

"Yeah, yeah - Archie Nemesis. Ordinary guy by day, super villain by night!"

"To match me, you mean?"

"Yep. Elizabeth Rary, librarian by day...superhero by night!"

"So Badwin..."